Deep and Meaningless

Hear I am sealed in one corner
In the graveyard of nowhere
Hatred grows wickedly asking myself
Why do I cry when I’m supposed to laugh?
Why do I use my heart to breathe?
Why do I embrace a rose full of thorns?
Why do I pretend when I can just be me?
Does time cures all?
Are all questions answered?
My life is infected waiting to be healed
Tortured coz of the bond we’ve made
So quick to panic, so slow to think
Harmless behind a mean look
I know what you are doing to me
Damn, I was blind to see
You hit me were it hurts
There’s no forever coz nothing lasts
Why do I think I should suffer in silence?
It was never enough to do
Just look at what you are tearing apart.

My works for Halloween

In celebration of Halloween, I try to create a picture related to it.

This is the pumpkin icon that I have created. I put some gradients, some blending effects, and some shapes. I add the text “I rather smile than scare” coz I believe that Halloween is for fun and not for some scary acts.


This is my “spooky” work ^_^. I create some monsters, a moons shape, some stars, a cloud image with an overlay blending, a tree silhouette, some vector brushes and a scroll greeting you guys a happy Halloween.

I still manage to create an artwork even if I’m not with my PC. I’m having a vacation right now. I’ve created this things in a computer shop thanks to my flash drive it contains an Adobe CS3 installer ^_^.

Edit my Heart

Edit my Heart

Love is full of layers

We always want to duplicate the happy ones

Copy what's left behind

Paste it in time

There is a time to glow

And a time to fade

Crop the best moments

Slice the bad one

Coloring a desaturated heart

Distorted and burned apart

Invert someones loneliness

Unhide their hapiness

A foreground of smiles

And a background of lies

Add some effects

Splatter some efforts

Filtered thoughts, artistic sorrows

Dissolve remembrance, diffused feelings

Dodge the pain, brushed with agony

Posterize scars, realistic wounds

Blurred yourself but not the memory

Lower the transparency of the past

Undo the mistakes up to the last

Avoid darken just blend to the present

Shaped like a heart
But yet a distorted one

Drawn like it's real

Sketch to have some appeal

Blended with a caring shadows

Overlayed with distress

Zoom in to see the real beauty

Zoom out to run away from bleeding

Painting your own blood

Creating your own paths to pain

Torn edges pulls you down

Animated cuts in action

Colorless pretending it's filled

Wish I could edit my heart

Erase its suffering

And enhance it to perfection

Im not Emo

When you are referring to someone who has being emo, you are usually stating that they are sensitive, or have an emotional personality. However, Emo most commonly referred to as a type of fashion. Most common perception of emo is someone who is very emotional. Some just consider it to be just a sense of style. Others say it is the classification of new rising way of feeling your inner self.
From the music with strong emotion and feeling it also taken over the way one expresses themselves by dressing. It includes the tighter fitting pants to a dark hair covering your face. The longer the hair in front with the spikes in the back is also a more emotional look. Emo is also being known as for the hot emo guys and emo girls kissing. ; Emo meaning being comfortable with oneself. It’s a more direct way of altering the feelings one has without words, just emotion.
Not all emo are suicidal or cry babies. Most of people made themselves appear emo. While in reality they have to much to be emo. Emo is hard to fake. Yes emos cut themselves but there is more than that. Emos is one of the hardest thing to explain. The suicidal, yes at times. But don’t judge them. its not what they chose to be. Its just who they are.

Emo hairstyles are usually spiky and shaggy a definition of how you felt at that time. It's an all over the place crazy style so use gel and hair glue to your advantage. Adding hair glue to the bangs in the front to make them straight and stiff is a must when trying to create the emo hairstyle. You can add gel to the back of your hair as well to make it stand straight out if you have the back shorter. If the back is long and shaggy just mix and match gel and hair glue to make it a crazy bold effect. Remember the more unusual and different your hair looks the better off you are.
With the emo hairstyles you do not need expensive equipment to cut or style. Just experimenting with different types of colors adding onto the black and different types of shapes of the hair. Flat irons can also help with adding to the incredibly straight hair and also better show the definition of the hair and the different layers and cuts within it. With all this and a lot of hair glue/sculpting gel you have created your own emo look. Some punk hairstyles are also considered to be emo hairstyles - (source emo-corner.com)

But me I’m not an emo. My hair is emo inspired but my personality is not. I exert effort on my hair. Yes I love emo picture. You read a lot of stories in it. The emotions you see are real. I don’t cut myself but yes I cry. Other people say that I’m emo and I hate it. They judge me easily. It’s just me, it’s my style. All I can say is “Don’t care about my looks just care about yourself..this is my life not yours…get lost”

A Failure's Poem

Yesterday, me and my GF are officially off. I can’t say how long is our relationship coz it’s an on and off one. It ended where it also started, in 7/11.When I get back home, I lie on my bed and emote for a while. I grab a pen and a paper and write this poem.

Illusion stab

Tired of loving yet fond of crying
Meaningless kisses are puzzle pieces
Unnecessary emotions that lacks actions
Pain hunting seems no ending
Fake feelings paired with unholy lies
Foolish faults blowing my mind
Imperfect heart is unquestionable
Love leads to grief
Grief that needs long time to heal
Falling tears, unhappy screams
That’s the bitterness of life
Living at the same time dying
Loving while she’s imitating
Ignored efforts are signs of frailty
Failed patience causing sorrows
Smiles that weep, wounds so deep
Me, myself and I bears the bleeding
Looking for a right one
Running away from a cursed heart
Working alone with weakness
Writing this poem in silence
Dreams to be remembered
As always to be hated
Caring for a wall instead of each other
Colorless roses with weeping thorns
A romantic stupidity of failure

After writing this poem, I stop crying. It feels good to write for your heart. I get to sleep knowing that it would be fine tomorrow.

Trivia: the title of the poem is taken from the online game Cabal hehe. It’s a skill of a force blader. I can’t think of a title so I just use it. I hope it fits for the poem. ^_^

Two Ex in 1 Day

After posting my new topic on my blog and signing off on my yahoo messenger, I pack my stuff and prepare to go to school. My class starts at 1pm. I ride the jeepney and sit at the end near the entrance. I was so sleepy that time. The sun is up very hot. I just look in one direction while listening to the music from my phone. I was thinking what would be the next topic on my blog. I’m running out of idea. Then I said to myself “I’ll think of this later”. I was 15 minutes away from school and I haven’t yet paid my fare.
I took my coin purse to get some money. I’m far away from the driver so I said “Pasuyo po ng bayad, salamat”. And someone took my money and I was shocked. I didn’t notice her just before I get into the jeepney. She’s my Ex. I get insecure. Our break up wasn’t good because she cheated. I don’t want to look at her. I just look outside. When she was about to get off the jeepney, I look to avoid her. And it’s bad timing to start my class. I arrive in school just in time. I only have one subject that day. I sit on the back to take little naps when my teacher isn’t looking. I spend the boring two hours daydreaming. After my class, I go to the paying section of our school. Our exams would be next week. I fall in line to the first teller to pay my tuition. I look on the left to the line on second teller and there I saw another Ex. She also noticed me and smile at me. We are still friends. We still keep in touch with each other through text. When I’m done paying, I wait for her. I ask her if she still have a class. She said no more. I ask her if we could eat outside and have some conversation. A “friendly conversation” hehehe. We go to 7/11 and I treat her. We talk for about half an hour. After that I accompany her in fetching for a jeepney.
It was almost 8pm when I arrived at home. I get into my bed. I think I forgot something. My new topic for my blog. Hmm I got an idea. Why don’t I put what happen today. I immediately took a piece of paper and write a draft for this post.

The Day I Almost Die

As we grow old we become adventurous. We want to try something new. I was in on my first year on college when all these stupid things happen. One of my friends encourages me to join a fraternity. Fraternity…hmm my first impression to that is trouble. And that’s what I want. I’m tired of doing things over and over again. During that time was my “kalokohan days” and I join the fraternity and my reason is “trip trip lang”.
Well I don’t care about the pain of initiation. That time I always think that your in if you’re a frat member. You’ll be popular at school and they are afraid to hurt you.
Before you join there are many things you need to undergo. First, they have what they call baptism. It’s done by a three hard slaps on the face. The slaps that I receive was painful. I could compare it to a spike on a volleyball…ouch! My recruiter told me that never have an eye to eye contact and always bow and also to say Lord to the president when you talk to him. Another thing you would do is you’ll be a servant for few days. You’ll be obeying what the senior’s asks you to do. You’ll have to follow or else bear the consequences like punches and kicks. You’ll be doing things that you don’t do at home. My hand as ashtray, my hand used to clean dog’s poof, wash the clothes of others are some things that I did. I also have my lecture. Through that you’ll be learning the real purpose of your brotherhood.
After I completed my role as a servant, finally my initiation day comes and the date is July 26, 2006. I am with two neophytes. We were brought to a rural place. Then they ordered us to clean the initiators house first. The place was near the cemetery. Whoa creepy. One stupid thing that I did that time is to smile when the initiator is talking to us. He didn’t like it. He screamed at me and get the long paddle and point it to my face and he said “hindi ba sinabi sa inyo na bawal ngumiti? Humanda ka mamaya kaw papahirapan ko!”. My legs started to shake. I’m now so scared. Tension is building, I’m sweating a lot. Many things are circling in my mind. Many questions are coming on my mind.What would they do to me?..what if I die..what about my dreams. “Oh my God ano tong pinasok ko” I said to myself. I began praying on my mind. I look at the paddle and its size was terrible. It was 1 ½ inch thick and was about 4 feet long. They put blindfolds on us and start paddling us. I can still bear the pain from the first 10 paddles. My thighs started to swollen. I almost loose my balance at the 15th paddle. The 20th paddle makes me kneel. And up to the final paddle I said to myself “ finally its done”. Then the initiator and the other members congratulates me and have a shake hand with me. After that my eyes get blurred and I fall to the floor straight. I loose my consciousness. My brothers in the fraternity panic. They took a calamansi leaf from their backyard and let me smell it. After few minutes I gain my consciousness. They told me that I scared them. And we all began to laugh.
When I get home, I wear a short that was enough to cover the markings from the paddle. When I look at it in the bathroom, it has the same color with an eggplant. The pain still continues and I still go to school with my condition. Riding a jeep was a hard one. Everytime the jeep encounters a hump my thighs hurts. I sit on the jeep only with my ass..hahaha
And WTF I remember my rooms are on the 4th and 5th floor. Every step I take on the stairs is painful.

The thing I learned with this experience is to thinks first. One wrong move could blow you out in this world. Always look at the good sides of life. Be ready for what you choose. Bear the consequences of your actions. Life is a challenge in this world full of trials.

And another thing – “Kung magtritrip ka, wag yung nakamamatay. Ang masaya para sa iyo ay pwedeng maging dahilan ng kalungkutan ng iba”

My First Fansign

This is my very first fansign made by Joni. We decided to make a fansign for each other. I edited the fansign she made for me so it would look more good.

I know that she'll be able to read so I'm saying thank you. Thank you for encouraging me to put up a blog. Hope to read more from your blog and goodluck to your photoshop career ^_^. I' m just here to teach and share you my knowledge in photoshop.

no more earrings promise

I’m not a pro in body piercing but I’m the one who pierces myself. I use to have 7 piercings. Three on my left ear, two on the right, one on the lips and one on my belly bottom which is now closed because I don’t put earrings on it ^_^. Many ask what do I get from this and what is the reason for this. I receive different reaction from the people around me. Others said “You’re only hurting yourself” while other says “it’s cool”. I don’t care what other people say but all I can say is “ Inggit lang sila”.
Every pierce that I have has its own reason and story behind it. My first pierce (on the left ear) is when I was in 2nd year high school. Well it’s just a very common reason why I got pierced…and it’s because of peer pressure. I’m influenced by my friends. All of them have earrings and if feels like you don’t belong to the group when you don’t have one. My second piercing (on the right ear) is when I bought a pair of silver earring. “Hmm…what should I do with the other earring? ... I want to use this.” I said to myself. Then it resulted to my second piercing. The third and the fourth piercing (above my first and second piercing) were done because a friend gives me another pair of earring. By that time I already have 4 piercings. The more the merrier, that’s what’s on my mind and I’m planning to have more piercings. The fifth piercing (upper part of the left ear) is because of my ex-girlfriend. Our break-up wasn’t good so I pierced myself dedicated to her foolishness [= . My sixth piercing is on the belly bottom. I just get curious because some celebrities got their belly bottom pierced. I just want to try it if it’s painful. Well it is. I feel like its burning. Days passed and it healed an its ready for an earring to come but I realized this thing is useless because no one would see it. I left it empty and the piercing closed. My last and the coolest piercing is on the left part of the lower lips. During that time I was very addicted to the band Paramore. I used to look on Josh Farro’s (guitarists) piercing and I said “I want to have that pierce.”. and there I have it my seventh pierce. Well it’s easy to pierce on my own but the difficult thing is hiding it from my parents. They kill me if they found out about it hahaha. As of now I’m still successful from hiding it…hmm but how long haha.
Now every time I rid e the jeepney going to school going to school, some passengers look at me. It’s eye catching to them (rofl). Others ask me if it’s painful and I always replied “when I got this pierced, there’s no blood at all…popping your pimple is more painful than this.” I can bear the pain and at the same time I appreciate jewelries. Addict…most people used this word to described me. Then Joni said to me “ you know what it’s ugly.”. She tells me that her first impression on pierced guys is the are addicts. Then I realized she’s right she’s right. This not me anymore. No one appreciates my piercings. I don’t want to be popular because of this. I want to be known for my talents. And from that day I promised her not to put earrings anymore. I already give my earrings to my friend. She’s a little girl but yet so powerful. In just an instant she changed me.

Product of my Boredom

I woke up one Monday morning. I check the time on my phone and it was 2:33 am. I can’t sleep anymore. “I’m bored what can I do?” I said to myself. I turned on the PC and start surfing. I open my yahoo messenger and no one is online how sad no one to chat with T_T. I go to y friendster account to check for changes and when I get into my profile “hmmm this layout isn’t cool anymore” I said to myself. I want a new look on my profile. So I started browsing for layouts and almost all of them look the same. I want my profile to be unique. I got an idea. “Why don’t I try a full flash profile?” I said. My boredom changed into excitement. I was challenged because I’m not that yet good in flash. I look for ready to use flash templates so that it would be easy. Then I have chosen a techy flash template with a cute little robot. After I have downloaded it, I open it in Adobe Flash CS3. “Waaa!…Nosebleed. How do I edit this?...” I said. I searched for tutorials in editing templates. After watching and reading tutorials, I edit the template and put the navigation like profile, friends, gallery, and about me. By 6:00 am, I was almost done. I eat my breakfast immediately and return to my PC. When I test the flash, it works nicely. By 7:30 I finished it.

Here’s the screenshot:



Click here to see my work:

http://h1.ripway.com/pmore/html/~little%20robot.html


Even if I’m bored I still try to be productive. My talent helps me escape boredom. I hope that I’m always bored so that I could do these things…hahaha

Signature

A signature is a name of a person written by him. It could be written, stamped or inscribed by that person as a sign of agreement or acknowledgement. In the world of Internet, signatures are in image form. It is mostly used in forums. Basically, signatures are edited pictures that showcase the talent of the creator. Some put anime characters while others prefer persons as their renders. Some use C4D renders while other love to create abstract as their background. Today, one of the most popular threads in forums is the “SOTW” which means signature of the week. The admin provides the image that you are going to use for the signature. They also state other requirements like maximum dimensions, captions, name of the forum and the creator, the deadline for the entry and the prize for the winner. You can join SOTW as long as you are a member of that forum. When the entries are all in the members would be the one to vote which is the best of all. Most of the forums give points to their winner. These points increase their popularity in the forum. For me, I don’t care about the prize. I just show my work just for fun. I’m enjoying with what I am doing and at the same time I enhance my photoshop skills and creativity. When I make signatures I used my imagination. I exert a lot of effort for it but I’m not saying that is the best of all. Even if I don’t win I still have my prize and that is the comments my works receives. Other says “I want to make a siggy like that” or “you guys are not humans when it comes to signature making” and “lend me your talent please”. I’m not a pro when it comes to signature making and my works are not the best but at least I inspired others and make them smile.
Here are some examples of my works:

Why failure

Why I used failure as my blog title…well it’s because I get used to think of myself as a failure. I don’t please the people around me. I can’t make them happy and no one appreciates what I’m doing. I haven’t done anything good but I believe that even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement. I live in my desires not on my achievements. A failure is always prone to sufferings. Stupid sorrows hunt me leaving me in agony. I feel like I died many times before my death. I always try not to be a cause of someone’s misfortune. I’m just happy that if I’m a junk for others at least I’m a treasure for others too.. As long as there is life there is danger. Life is a test in this world full of trials. There will be only two dates on our grave but what matter is the little dash between them – let’s make the best out of it.

Another reason why I used failure is because I wanted them to be curious when they’ve heard of it as a blog title. I added the word pieces coz I want them to know what a failure is made of. I want them to read my post to know more about me. And that’s it…”PIECES OF FAILURE”.

My Online Friend

I don’t have a lot of friends. I could count them with my fingers. I only speak at the class when my teacher asks me. I’m not even close to my seat mate. I only have an average of 20 words per class.
I spend our acquaintance party alone. No one approaches me, no one talks to me. Would like to be a friend of a weird guy like me?
A girl 16 years of age answers yes to that question. She’s from Bulacan. I met her in front of my computer. It was a Saturday morning when I check my yahoo messenger if someone’s online. I’m the one who add her as a contact. I saw her cute avatar, hmmm interesting I said to myself. I buzz her and began chatting with her. The first word I send to her was a “HI” followed by a smiley. She replied nicely.
For almost an hour we chatted but not that continuous coz I’m doing a layout that time. Then I tell her that I have to go coz it’s our examination that day and she replies good luck. From then on, I always chat with her every time I’m online. We chat about our personal life and everyday experiences. From our online conversation I found out that we share the same passion and that is photo editing. I love her works. One time she showed me one of her edits. She turned herself into a boy what I mean is she edited her picture and turned it into a guy. She called it “Johnny”. It was so cute. At one point of my life I turned into a gay coz I fall in love with Johnny hahaha. I’m not denying that I admire her and Johnny also ^_^. I used to put on my YM status “Crush hope you’re online”. My friend knows that I make layouts for friendster and I told her that I’m gonna make a layout for her. She asks me to teach her to make layouts. And all I can say is she is a fast learner. Now I feel like a teacher and she is my student. Another thing that I taught to her was animation in photoshop. I can’t believe at myself teaching through YM. I’m not that good in explaining but she learned it easily. It always makes me happy whenever I think that I share my knowledge to her. Everytime she asks me a question I always try me best to give her the answer. She’s the one who encourage me to put up a blog. She wanted to know more about me. We are far from each other and that proves our real friendship. Maybe I don’t have a lot of friends in the real world but online I found a friend that’s worth not countable with the fingers. I want to know more about her. I hope that our friendship lasts forever.