Ouch my friend cuts himself

A friend of mine shows me a picture of his bleeding arm, Emo! He used to cut himself with a blade. Ouch! He’s a brave one. I asked him what’s the reason why he is doing it is. He replied, “I always do this when I’m sad”. Whoa, what a painful way to recover hahaha.

I want to try it even though I’m not sad. Try it just for fun and I’m just curious what the feeling is. I was at my room and took a blade. This is it pancit hehe. The blade is already at my right arm but then I stopped. I can’t do it. I don’t know how to start. It’s my first time to cut myself. I hate first times. I become afraid that I might cut myself so deep and die. I keep the blade for future use. I can’t do it now.

After that, I write a poem that’s like a suicide note. Here is the poem:

Answered by death

Looking at myself in the mirror
Shows wounds unseen for the long time
Feeling a bloodless useless creature
I pitied my reflection being tortured
Diagnose with melancholic syndrome
With acute perishable heart
I was blinded by never ending darkness
Venom keeps flowing through my veins
I just keep the pain out of sight
I’m out of tears to cry
A strong piece of me yet fractured
I always feel secured around knives
Digging out myself from a shallow grave
Looking for the light into reality
What is the purpose of breathing?
When every air you inhale is a threat
The thorns that I embrace in my entire life
And the punishing blows that I don’t see
Corrupts my soul as time passes by
Hope the hell will be a cold place
Coz I’ll be the soon screaming why
Why all bullshits were showered upon me?
Why the suffering keeps on coming?
Why do I have to let go of what I wanted?
The thing called destiny pisses me off
Should I stay or should I go?
Maybe this blade could answer all my questions
I cut myself and bleed a lot
And found out that death is the answer
In an instant a failure’s life ended