Goodbye 2008- My year end post

This would be my last post for 2008 so let’s get started.
The year 2008 is about to end. I won’t forget the things that happen to me this year. 2008 was a mix of fun adventures and tears of pains. The times that I escape from home for our outings to the times were I was caught sleeping in the class. The alibis that I’ve prepared just to go to bars to the days were I always arrived home were everyone is asleep. The times were I was caught sleeping in the class up to the times were my instructor caught me sneaking at my seatmates paper. The party with my friends at the Bangus festival up to the get-together at Baguio were I lie to my mom telling that I’m having a sleepover at my friends house for a group project. My escape going for a trip to Manila with my GF and the day of our break-up at 7 eleven. The friends that come, the friends that go. The foes encountered the enemies that are forgiven. The lessons learned and the knowledge that shared. The wishes that come true and the dreams waiting to be fulfilled.
A day isn’t enough to sum up all the things that happen to me this year. It may passed and not be perfect but it would always be remembered. I don’t wish to be lucky this 2009 but I guess I was lucky enough to woke up everyday turning on my PC to start blogging trying to make the life given by God a useful one. Life is neither good nor evil; it is simply the place were good and evil exist. Better by far I should forget the bad times and smile than that I reminisce the good times and be sad. What will happen to us this coming 2009 is up to ourselves. As the saying goes “Destiny is not a matter chance but a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

BTW, most of us have our own new years resolution. Other chooses a resolution for them while other prefers a resolution for others. We always try to fulfill them but then most of us are unsuccessful. Here are my new years resolutions but I think it would still by my resolution through the following years lol…

-Study hard (a job for every student in exchange for allowance lol)
-Have at least 8 hours sleep (really begging for this)
-Lessen my computer sessions to at least 9 hours (finally my brother would be able to use the PC)
-Come home from school early. Maybe 7 pm would not be bad at all. (The entire only thing possible at the moment)
-Save money (My mom does it for me. She took the ATM from me.)
-Go to disco once a month not once a week (I spend a lot but don’t enjoy the night)
-Discipline (If I have enough of this I might be able to accomplish my resolutions.

To my family, to my high school friends, to my college friends, to my real friends, to my true friends, and to my best friend who is always there, thank you for being with me this 2008. Hope you could spend more years with me.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Apee B-day Hayley

One of the greatest things that happen to every “Parawhores” life is the birth of Hayley Williams. Hayley is turning 20 this December 27. She's a year older than me. Way back on 2005 on their debut album, the first song that I’ve heard from them was the song “Pressure”. That is where it all started. I listen to all of their songs and their covers. I started collecting pictures of the band. I downloaded their music videos and live concerts. No wonder I have a 3 gigabytes paramour folder on my PC. I began to research about the bands history and the profiles of each of the member. And I was surprised to found out that she was only 16 when she started recording. She’s surrounded by boys but then it’s not a big deal for her at all. She still manages to write songs that really cure our ears. Hayley is compared to other female vocalist like Avril Lavigne, Lacey Mosley, Kelly Clarkson etc. but I found her different from others. She is a girl full of surprises and a girl that is definitely to watch out for. Paramore attacks its music with infectious enthusiasm. The words that comes out of her mouth passes through our ears and stays in our hearts.
Another things that she is admired for is the way she dress. Her fashion statement is outstanding. Her dress is an eye-catcher in every red carpets and awards night that she attends. She’s a fashion icon that is unique throughout her existence.
Whatever her hair color is… whoever she choose to be her partner for life... Wherever she plays her head banging performance... Whenever the time comes she stops from singing… I will always treasure the times she fills the missing piece of me through her music.

BTW I just wanted to share some of my favorite Hayley pictures inside my 3 gigabytes paramore folder ^^

To end this post, I am calling those who define music as paramore… to those who consider Hayley as the best singing machine ever built… to those who wish to have some of Josh’s talent in playing the guitar… to those who want to see Jeremy doing the opposite way of his famous flip with Josh… to those who likes to see Zac playing the drums blindfolded… to those who wanted Taylor to be a permanent member… to those who misses the ex-members Hunter Lamb, Jason Bynum and John Hembree… in short, to all Paramore fans out there.. let us all greet Hayley a happy birthday.

My B-day with my friends

Whenever my b-day comes, my college barkadas always expect a blow out from me. This only happens once a year so I always try to put up a small party. As usual, we eat outside. They prefer to munch on the street than in a restaurant which is good for the money that I have on my pocket. I brought twelve of my friends. I treat them with a “Pigar-Pigar” for a dinner, a famous food from our place similar to a beef steak added with some crunchy veggies. My friends’ large stomachs were able to consume two kilos of beef, four 1.5 liters soft drinks and a bunch of extra rice which is not an issue anymore hahaha.
After the dinner, we decided to look for some stuffs at the “tiangges” around. Then we go to the city plaza to have some pictures and to watch a live band.
Here are some of the pictures we have taken:

Picture muna bago kain

Binuhat ang B-day boy

Mga Carolers sa plaza lider nila ung mataba

Its me with the carolers

At the school around 10 pm

After the having pictorials some of my friends decided to go. We came back to our school at around 10 pm. We stay there for few minutes and I call one of my friends to ask him if we could stay in their house. He says yes and we immediately walk our way to their house. I buy some GSM blue and some junk foods to continue the party. My friend house has an empty room which used to be a boarding house. He is a licensed drinker hahaha. His parents won’t get mad if we drink there. We stay there until morning (too bad I missed the “Simbang gabi”.. I wasn’t able to complete it anymore T_T).

Here are some pictures of our drinking session:

kainuman namin si doraemon

ilang shots lang bagsak na siya

sige tagay lang
Hello yaya ur such a loser

Guitar lessons while drunk
This is one of the memorable things left by 2008 at me. I enjoy my birthday with my friends. It is worth it to spend a lot for things like these.

My B-day Post

Whoa another b-day comes for me. Getting a year old again this 22^nd day of December. The bad thing about being born on December was you’ll be receiving one gift for your b-day and for Christmas. I always wish for a present for my b-day and another one for Christmas. I have already received my gift last November. My parents gave me 15k to upgrade my PC. Well that is enough for this year though I hope not lol ^^.

I still wish for the following items:
1. TWLOHA T-shirt

This famous shirt is what I’m dying for. I saw Hayley Williams wears it over the time. TWLOHA means to write love on her arms and you can read its history here http://www.twloha.com. I also saw swithcfoot and the red jumpsuit Apparatus wears this shirt on their performances. Purchasing it online would cost you a thousand including the shipping and I can’t look for this t-shirt anywhere. I want the original one than ordering a customize shirt.

2. 2.Final RIOT DVD

A must have for every Paramore fan. It includes clips and behind the scenes of their 40 days tour. It also includes their concert in Chicago. When fueled by ramen release this DVD I immediately look for a torrent download of this DVD. I have already downloaded 75% of the DVD wee 25% more.

3. 3.Sony Cybershot

I just love to take pictures of my crazy acts lol. I just wanted my own sony Cybershot to capture moments and prepare it for edits.

4. 4.Midnight Sun Book

5. 5. A chibi of myself

Chibi are the cutest thing you could find in the internet. They are so cute little characters. I draw chibis but I still haven’t draw one that looks like me.

A Night of Download

Last night was a night full of download for me. Finally I got the time to do the coolest thing on the internet, to download. I’m a third world music lover and I’m not yet employed and I’m not ashamed of the fact that most of the songs on my hard disk are from the net. I only have few original CDs like Riot and All We Know is Falling by Paramore, Self titled album of Flyleaf, A Twist in my Story and Awake by Secondhand Serenade, Tomorrow comes yesterday by Bamboo, Deluxe by Boys like Girls, On Frail wings of vanity and wax by Alesana, Stadium Arcadium by Red Hot Chili Peppers and Silverstein’s Arrivals and Departures. Nothing beats the genuine one but as of now I’m gonna stick to downloading. I used to download album by album through torrents. When you download from torrents you can get the files little by little and you could continue downloading the next day if you couldn’t finish one. For example you are done with the 30% percent of the file you could stop right there and continue it the next day and start not to zero but to 30%. Turning off the PC won’t affect the cookies downloaded. I can finish 1 album in just 30 minutes or less. Last night I was able to download a clearer copy of the twilight movie and the soundtrack of it. All in all its size was 2.5 gigabytes and took me almost 5 hours but then it’s worth it. The soundtrack was awesome. It lets me reminisced the scenes in the movie. It is composed of 16 songs like Decode and I Caught Myself both by Paramore, Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park and the song that caught my attention “Flightless bird, American Mouth “by Iron and Wine. The Flightless Bird was the songs used on the last part of the movie where Edward and Bella dance for their prom. It is a relaxing song for me.
It was almost 9 pm when I began to download again. The next thing in line was the Paramore DVD entitled “The Final Riot”. Geez it was a big one. It is 17.6 gigabytes. It was almost 10 pm and I decided to sleep. I’m currently stuck at 10% and maybe I’ll continue it later ..ZZZzzz

For some questions on how to download songs, videos and softwares just leave it on my chatbox.

Product of my sickness

Last Saturday, after turning off my PC from a long day of playing grand chase and net surfing, I feel so worn-out and drowsy. It was like the most stressful day of my existence. I started at 8 am and finished up at almost 8 pm. My eyes are kinda invulnerable to too much exposure to radiation haha. But then until that day come when my body loss its immunity to too much exposure to radiation. I lie down on our sofa and my eyes begin to blur. The next thing that happens was I lose my consciousness. When I woke up, I was already in the hospital lying on a cozy bed. Damn I was sick lol. My fever is so high around 40 degrees Celsius. The doctor suggested me to lessen my computer usage-(no no no, I won’t listen to him. My whole system calls for it (^^,). My current record for the longest time online was 14 hours straight way back through the times I’m addicted to playing Ran online. It was so boring to stay in that place and a TV isn’t enough for entertainment. I asked my mom to bring my drawing stuffs. I’m just trying to be productive even if I’m unwell. Then I began to draw a chibi on a graphing paper. I’m not that gifted in drawing but I always think that I can-(trying hard haha). I spend a lot of paper until I ended up with an angel that looks sad. I named her “Betty”(it’s not what you think lol). My imagination is having a malfunction I guess. I just don’t know why I draw this thing. I didn’t draw her halo at all. It’s not that good and my excuse is I’m not feeling well in the times I created this haha.
That Sunday afternoon I was discharged from the hospital. Thanks to my guardian angel Betty she’s there watching me ^^.

Still in the midst of a Twilight Scene

I’m still in the midst of a twilight scene and I just can’t get rid of Edward Cullen’s cold looking skin and Isabella Swan’s fair neat complexion. I’m having a Twilight fever and it’s a lifetime disease ^^. I have already watched it three times. Twice in theatre and the other was on my PC (downloaded through torrents ^^). This is not only a must see movie but also a much hear one. Hear, what I mean is for you to listen to the characters exchange of words. Their lines really touch my heart feeling also in their situation proving the watchers everything is possible with love.

Some of my favorite lines and quotes are:

* “Twilight, again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end”
* "Bella, I won't let anything hurt you — not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise."
* And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
* We’re usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you.
* It’s you, your scent; it’s like a drug to me. Like my own personal brand of heroin.
* I may not be a human, but I am a man.
* “I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you’ll run away from me, screaming as you go. I won’t stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…”
* I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you
* He called you pretty. That’s practically an insult, the way you look right now. You’re much more than beautiful.
* I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the
last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.
* Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble,
even. That ought to count for something.

Good thing I have all 4 books and a pdf file of the 5^th of the sequel. The first book was “Twilight” followed by “New Moon, next was “Eclipse” then “Breaking Dawn” and the last was “Midnight Sun”. The author was Stephenie Meyer who’s really good in writing for me—ever ^^.

From Bella’s Chevrolet up to Edward’s Volvo. From the sunny place Phoenix, up to rainy conditions of Forks, Washington. From the alibi of Edward saying “Adrenaline rush” up to the third thing Bella is positive of saying she is unconditionally and irrevocably in love with a vampire. From the scene Edward saving Bella from getting hit by Tyler’s van up to their travel around the woods where Edward carries Bella on his back and shows his powers. From the Cullen family who claims that they are vegetarian up to the highlights of how vampires plays baseball are buried deep in me treasuring it until the day I die. I guess this was another thing to be added on my list of addictions. Though it’s fictitious it is a beautiful love story of a human and a vampire.

Another good thing about the movie is the theme song. Its theme song was entitled “Decode” played by my most favorite band from Franklin Tennessee, Paramore.. cheers ! I’ve got a clearer video of it after a day of its debut on MTV. Too bad Taylor York (tempo member- guitarist) wasn’t in the video. Hayley, Josh, Zac, and Jeremy rocks on that video. The three guys are good in pretending and imitating how vampires appear on the scenes. How I wish Isabella Swan’s role was played by Hayley Williams instead of Kristen Stewart and Edward Cullen’s role to Josh Farro rather than Robert Pattinson hahaha ^^. And BTW, yesterday I was able to watch MYX yesterday and Decode is #1 on the hit chart. I’ve already seen the video a lot but then it’s different when you watch it on TV knowing that it is the best coz it’s on the #1 spot. I hope it would stay longer on the countdown and I wish Paramore would still be the one to play the movies’ theme song up to its last book.

Feel free to comment your favorite line or quote from the movie..
Long Live Twilight-Edward-Bella fan.

3 Accidents and a dead man in one day

What a very horrible day for me. I was able to see 4 unfortunate scenes before going to school. Accidents are unexpected and I don’t want to start my day witnessing one. On my way to school riding a tricycle, an accident occurs. Two old man both riding a motorcycle are involved. Both guys were injured badly. They almost hit us. Death is almost a meter away from me that time. I was shocked WTF that was so close thank God a failure is still alive. I arrived at the jeepney terminal still in the midst of disturbance of what have happened earlier and again another unlucky thing arrives not on me but on the man who is shot lying on his own blood. The crowd is watching the cops as they take out the body from the crime scene. It is my first time to see a dead guy who is shot. I wanted to take a picture of it through my phone but I think it is against the man’s right. The blood is all over the place and I can’t look at it anymore coz it just adds the tension that I’m feeling. I ride the jeepney to school and for sure I’m gonna be late for my first subject. Halfway to the school another motorcycle accident happens. A guy riding a motorcycle hit a guy crossing the street. We stopped for a while and I saw the blood pouring from the nose of the guy who is hit. It is like a faucet left open blood just won’t stop from coming out of his nose. The guy riding the motorcycle wears a helmet, good for him. I pity the guy who’s hit coz I saw him really in great pain and I can’t do anything for him. Finally I arrived at school too bad I’m 45 minutes late for my subject so I didn’t attend it instead I went to our school chapel and pray for the things that happen today. I thank God I was safe and I pray for the people involve to be in good shape. Well I thought it was all over but then another disaster strikes. On my way home two cars crash on each other. What the heck I’m tired of seeing incidents like this. Accidents happen due to some errors and lack of discipline. It’s just a matter of discipline and everything else will follow though accidents aren’t made and I think it’s just the destiny that is behind it. If it is your time then you’re done. Only God can take away what He has lent us and it happens for a reason. I’m not afraid to die, I’m only afraid of dying at young age with my dreams left undone.

Drive Safely your family is waiting for you! ^^

2 more sleep and somebody is gonna sleep!

2 more sleep and somebody's is gonna sleep. Were expecting a K.O. Manny Go go go. Pride of the Philippines is on his another one big fight against Oscar dela Hoya. I bet for a 3 digit amount of money for Manny ^^. We know that he's the underdog well it doesn't matter coz he have the heart to fight anyone.

And this edit is for him. Hope he wins.

L Lawliet - my favorite character

Well it's been a long time since i created my last signature. Today, I used the picture of L of Death Note. He's my favorite character coz were kinda similar ^^.

L is a loner. He is not afraid of death and trust no one. His expressions are clearly visible unless he decides not to show them and doesn’t hide his true self behind a mask.

Death Note really touches my heart. Aside from paramore pics, I also collect death note pictures.

BTW, here is the picture that i used:

Here is the signature that i created:

I've created this for 15 minutes. I have a stopwatch beside to have some time pressure. It's fun editing at the same time playing. I add some C4D renders in here and applied some lightning effects with different blending modes.

Poem for best

Poem for Best

In the midst of my affliction
There you came as a remedy
To my empty soul
Up to my unhealthy heart
A pretty picture of you
Fills the emptiness in me
Your charming little eyes
Tells there’s no room for tears
Your everyday smiles
Shows me the brighter sides of life
The word friend really fits for you
I got more than my share
A piece of you who is always there
Though I haven’t done a lot for you
Inside you was an angel
Who lends me the wings
Which I used to fly high
Into the clouds of my dreams
You keep a failure as a treasure
Not regrets and it’s a pleasure
You show me the way to my desires
And squeeze me out of silence
For me I’m the richest
Because God gave me the best
Thank you for coming into my life
I wish our friendship lasts
Though forever really don’t exist

Robert's Twilight ^^

This week, I’m planning to watch the movie “Twilight”. I’m kinda busy in school but I’ll try to find time for it. I was able to read a few pages from its book and like Harry Potter, its long. Maybe I would be able to understand the story more if I watch it. Why read when you can watch, right? The trailer of the movie is good and it is a movie you shouldn’t miss. Robert Pattinson is the star in here. He plays the role of Edward. He is different from the Robert who plays Cedric Diggory in harry potter. He becomes more mature and gone bloody sexy (lol).

I browse for his pictures on the net and found a picture taken from the movie twilight and it looks perfect for an edit.

Here is the original picture:

Here is the edited one:

I apply an old trick to make him look like an undead. I used the sponge, dodge, and burn tool and draw some blood drips with a lasso tool and fill it with a dark red color. I add an image of a cloud as a background.

Faster and Better Bestfriend

my 1st edit on my new PC spec ^^

I got my b-day gift in advance and it was the speeding up of the performance of one of my bestfriend, my PC. I have two best friends and my PC is on of it. I named it “Distroyd”. We’re been together for almost 2 years. It is my partner and I spend most of the time with it more than anything else.

Few months ago, I asked my parents to have my CPU upgraded because of its low speed. It can’t accommodate my gaming and application needs. That time my procesor was a lame Pentium 4 and I only got 64mb graphics card(quite extinct nowadays lol ^^). It hangs a lot during the times I’m using heavy wares like Photoshop and Corel. Despite of my PC’s low specification, I still install it with Adobe CS3 and Corel Paint Shop Pro X2 and bear the consequences.It is so frustrating working with my PC’s performance. Multitasking is what I need. I want to edit pics and listen to music or play a game at the same time.

My parents gave my 15k for the upgrade of my PC(Whoa 2^nd largest amount of money I’ve held hihi). They said “Kaw na bahala”. Hearing it from them makes me so excited for the next things that would happen thinking that 15k is too much but it isjust enough. With the money, I was able to buy the following:

-ASUS motherboard
-512mb NVIDIA GeForce 8400 SE
-DVD writer and labeler
-1 gig DDR2 ram
-2 pieces of 160 gig SATA Hard Disk
-Core2Duo Processor E7200 2.53GHz

At home, I immediately assemble it and install it with Adobe CS3. And men it rocks. It’s really faster than the old one. Its speed is equivalent to two computers. The graphics is more clearer. The best thing was it executes photoshop in less than 20 seconds unlike the old one that takes 3-4 minutes. I hope my photo editing skills would be enhance now that I have a more faster best friend.

Josh Farro in action

This morning, I turn on my PC and look for a picture to edit. I dig up my Paramore collection folder and browse some pics. I choose the picture of Josh Farro. It was taken two years ago during their 1st hit album “All We Know Is Falling”. For me, he’s one of the best guitarist ever made. I am one of his fans and the pierce on my lips proves it (trying to be like him though I stop putting earrings). He used to be a backing vocals for Hayley (hope they become more than friends ^_^. I love their tandem).

Here is the pic:

Here is the edited one:

The first thing that I did was to erase its background by making a selection using the pen tool and delete it. Next was to turn Josh’s picture into a silhouette by adding a black color overlay on its layer effect. I created a radial gradient as my background and adjust its level to show some highlights. I duplicate Josh’s image remove its color overlay and desaturate it. Using the soft brush I erase some parts of it to show some depths. Then I began adding some vector curves and glowing stars. For the finishing touches I turn it into a multicolor picture using large soft brushes scattered around the image with an overlay blending and opacity of 50%.
I always try to do my own style in designing. I apply the things I know in one single image. Yes its true, tutorials online are great but I try to create my own art by not looking on tutorials. My photoshop motto is “Design is not about the looks, it’s the imagination behind it that counts”.

My 3rd flash profile for Friendster

Aside from photoshop, I’m also into Flash Designing. I use Adobe Flash CS3 in creating animations. I still don’t have the subject that tackles about flash making but then I’m studying it by myself to be advanced and it’s more challenging than photoshop. From the past, I used to finish one simple animation for 3 hours and I can’t repeat it without looking to the tutorial. I experience not just a nosebleed but also brainbleed. I download and watch tutorials on the web and it really helps a lot. Flash can also be used as your profile in friendster. The first flash profile that I have created is a techy one and until now I’m still using it for my friendster. The second was a cute one. It is a girly one and it’s for my friend Joni.

Last Saturday, I started doing my third flash layout. A friend requested it to me. Her name was Dixie. She asked me for a dark theme. She’s kinda rockstar so I just look forward to a boyish thing flash profile. I ask her to provide the information and pictures that I’ll be putting on the profile. And finally, after a week I’m done with it. It’s so cool. Honestly, I envy her profile. It’s more beautiful than my profile (^^,)

Here’s the screen capture of it:

To see it in action click here

My 1st Drawing in Photoshop

Finally I’m done with my first drawing in photoshop. This is my first attempt and I choose “Doraemon” because it looks like it’s easy to draw. The first thing that I did was to draw his head by creating a round shape filled with blue color and a 2 pixels black stroke for its layer property. It took me a long time choosing the color that fits well. I exert a lot of effort on it because the real beauty of your work is seen in its colors. Next thing that I did is to draw his body, which is a painful one because you need to treat your mouse as a pencil. Damn, I can’t remember how many times I use the eraser tool. I have used the pen tool most of the time. They say that pen tool is the most useful of all. You can do many things with it so now I’m trying to enhance my skills on it. When I’m done with his entire body, I color it with blue similar to the fill of his head and a red color for his nose. I add some Japanese writings behind him, a metal scratches image with overlay as its layer blending and texts with a 2-3 pixels black stroke. It is composed of 52 layers including the background. I finished my drawing for almost two hours.

TIPS(rofl):
Patience… a lot of patience
Imagination
Pretend that you’re an artist (lol)
Choose the color that fits
Love your mouse… handle it with care (haha)
Don’t hate the pen tool… it is the boss (>.<)

you can download the psd file here:

http://rapidshare.com/files/165208309/doraemon.psd.html

My 8th Nightmare

Last night was a terrible one. My 8th nightmare happens. A very frightening dream occurs. I don’t know why I’m prone to nightmares. I don’t eat a lot at night w/c most of the people say as the reason for it. I though I was gonna die. All my nightmares are like reality. All fears are in there. It feels like your killed little by little by those fears in the middle of your dreams.
I sleep at around 8 pm. I only eat 3 pieces of munchkins and drink a glass of water (well this not too much right?). I sleep early because I’m planning to continue the doraemon drawing in photoshop in the morning. The nightmare attacks at around 2 am. These are the things I remember on my nightmare:

-I was walking and all I can see is black and suddenly after taking few steps, I fall into a hole that looks like a never ending one. I saw a small light and I try to reach it with my hands. The light got smaller as I continue falling at the hole. I reach the bottom of the hole and it is a deep body of water. Someone is pushing my head down trying to drown me.

-the next thing that happen was I’m again back to the dark surface. I was talking to myself wondering why all I can see is black. I am screaming and I’m the only one who hears it and I thought I’m awake. From that, I become aware that I’m having a nightmare. I want to wake up but I can’t.

-the next scene was I am lying on a grass and saw darkness slowly covering the light. I look behind and I saw a bed. I lie down on the bed to sleep. After few seconds, I saw someone beside me trying to wake me up. I don’t know who he is. His face is covered and wears a black cape. He holds a book on his/her hand. He covers my eyes with his hands and as I open my eyes again all I can see is darkness. A gun was aimed at the back of my head. He whispered “Why” and he pulls the trigger. With the gunshot I woke up back into reality.

When I woke up, I was catching for my breath. I feel like I came from a long run. I’m so exhausted that time. My eyes are teary and I’m sweating a lot. I make a sign of the cross and said “I’m glad I’m alive, thank you Lord”. I drink a glass of water and went back to bed but I’m thinking if I would still continue to sleep. I’m afraid it might happen again so I turn on my pc and design a picture with a theme “nightmare”.

Here is the pic:

I used a vector skull and colored it. i add some strokes to shapes and a sunburst for my background.

The Santa in me

Yesterday, I was riding a jeep on my way home and suddenly an old couple sits beside me. Their age is around 60-70 I guess ^^. They look exhausted. Obviously they were carolers because the old man wears a xylophone around his neck and the old lady was carrying a tambourine. The old lady has teary eyes and I don’t know why. On the halfway of our trip, the couple told the driver that they don’t have money. The old man said “Please sir we don’t earn money today”. The driver stops the jeepney and said “I’m sorry but you have to get off”. Tears fall from the couple. From their eyes you could see that they are telling the truth. When the couple is about to get off the jeep, I said to the driver “I’m gonna pay for them. I took a 50 peso bill from my pocket and gave it to the driver. The old couple is really happy. They say thanks to me and I smiled at them. I talk to them and I ask why don’t they earn and they said the old man says “we aren’t lucky today, this s the only thing we could do to live.” Damn stupid poverty. Even at their age they work hard. They travel far just to carol. The old man said to me “would you mind if we sing for you?” I said “sure, I would love too.” The couple took their instruments and began singing “Boomtarattarat” (do I spell it right?). The old man plays his xylophone with her wife playing the tambourine. Damn they are good. The old man, He rocks. They are so talented. After there performance the passengers clap their hands. They were stunned by the couple’s talent. Wow an amazing act inside a public utility jeepney. Before I get off the jeep, I give 100 pesos to the old man and said “Lo and La merry Christmas. The old man has a shake hand with me and said “thank you and God bless you”. It feels so good helping others even in a small way. It’s an addition to my countable good deeds ^_^

Ouch my friend cuts himself

A friend of mine shows me a picture of his bleeding arm, Emo! He used to cut himself with a blade. Ouch! He’s a brave one. I asked him what’s the reason why he is doing it is. He replied, “I always do this when I’m sad”. Whoa, what a painful way to recover hahaha.

I want to try it even though I’m not sad. Try it just for fun and I’m just curious what the feeling is. I was at my room and took a blade. This is it pancit hehe. The blade is already at my right arm but then I stopped. I can’t do it. I don’t know how to start. It’s my first time to cut myself. I hate first times. I become afraid that I might cut myself so deep and die. I keep the blade for future use. I can’t do it now.

After that, I write a poem that’s like a suicide note. Here is the poem:

Answered by death

Looking at myself in the mirror
Shows wounds unseen for the long time
Feeling a bloodless useless creature
I pitied my reflection being tortured
Diagnose with melancholic syndrome
With acute perishable heart
I was blinded by never ending darkness
Venom keeps flowing through my veins
I just keep the pain out of sight
I’m out of tears to cry
A strong piece of me yet fractured
I always feel secured around knives
Digging out myself from a shallow grave
Looking for the light into reality
What is the purpose of breathing?
When every air you inhale is a threat
The thorns that I embrace in my entire life
And the punishing blows that I don’t see
Corrupts my soul as time passes by
Hope the hell will be a cold place
Coz I’ll be the soon screaming why
Why all bullshits were showered upon me?
Why the suffering keeps on coming?
Why do I have to let go of what I wanted?
The thing called destiny pisses me off
Should I stay or should I go?
Maybe this blade could answer all my questions
I cut myself and bleed a lot
And found out that death is the answer
In an instant a failure’s life ended

Back to School

Today, the semester starts. New classmates, new cheat mates lol! Last night after finishing the picture that I’ll be using for this blog, I went to bed around 9 pm. I woke up at 7 am still wearing earphones hahaha coz last night before going to sleep; I listen to music with my IPod and sleep over it.

My class starts at 10:30 am w/c is good so that I’m gonna have more quality time with my PC >.< I turn on my best friend and start doing my daily habit; listening to Paramore songs and live concerts. I get used to it since my first year in college and as of now I already have a 3 gigabytes Paramore folder ^_^

I left home at 8:45 and arrived at school at 9:30. I have half an hour to spend at my favorite hangout, at 7 Eleven. After some snacks, I go to my first subject and it’s a major class. Nothings change. A corny teacher and a bunch of not so close to me classmates. Well, the word friendly maybe doesn’t fits me or maybe just because I talk a little in the class. I’m already in my 3rd year but I only know few names of my classmates. Even the name of our college dean is a blank to me. They just approach me in times of paper shortage. I sit on my favorite part of the room, at the back. A very good position to avoid being called and being caught taking some stolen naps XD

Whoa, the first boring hour of the semester has finally gone by. It is time for my next subject. Hope it wouldn’t be like the first one. Our subject will be all about the Philippine Constitution. Again I park myself at the back. In this subject, all the faces are new to me. I think I’m the only I.T. student in the class. A guy weirder than me, a fashion’s victim girl, an oldie about 25 years of age, a good looking gay, a 6 footer girl and a tall dark and never mind guy as my teacher. We started the class by introducing ourselves one by one (damn only first years do this WTF).

And here is what I said (a “papansin” one):
“I’m Lhancer Soriano, 3rd year I.T. student. I talk a little inside the class. I spend most of my time with my best friend my computer. Editing pictures and blogging are my hobbies. The longest time that I was in front of my PC is 12 hours straight. If you have time visit my blog at piecesoffailure.blogspot.com and also get in touch with me through my YM hayleymore_27. I love breaking the rules so I expect to learn more of it in this subject”.
All my classmates laugh and my teacher does too.

Finally, I’m done with my second subject. Again back to 7 Eleven for some snacks. My next class would be at 1:30. Humanities is next in line. Most of my classmates are girls. I think I’m out of place in that subject. Another encounter with a boring hour happens. I just give my class card and escape from the class. Well it’s just the first day the teacher won’t discuss for sure.

Now I’m on my last subject. It’s the major subject that I drop last semester. OMG the same teacher.
All of us already thinks that our subject is in danger. A subject under the class of this instructor would be painful one. Your nose won’t only bleed but also your brain would bleed too. It’s difficult to pass a subject under her but this time I’ll focus on this to be able to pass it and to remove my grades on the chopping block.

Great Escape

Last sembreak, me and my countable friends decided to have an outing at Tondol Beach in Anda Pangasinan. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to come coz my parents would not allow me. But no ne can stop me lol. I escape from our home for the outing. I don’t care if they’ll get mad. This would happen only once in my life so I just bite into the opportunity.

Anda is far from our place. We left the bus station at 5:30. The trip was a pain. You’ll be bored at your seat. Good thing I have my phone to listen some music. We have passed 8 towns and I said to myself “are we still in Pangasinan?” This place is farther than Baguio. We arrive at Anda at 8:30 pm. I though we were already on the beach thinking it was a walking distance from were we are. One of my friend who lives there that told us that we still need to travel a 12 kilometer travel in a tricycle. WTF, the fare is 120.

The road to the beach is so scary. No streetlights around. The only light you could see is the light coming from the tricycle. The place is very rural. There’s no signal on our phones. After a 30 minutes ride, we arrived at my friends house. His father welcomes us. They are so hospitable. After eating there, we decided to go to the beach for a walk at the shore. On the way to the beach, still no lights. We use the lights from our phones to see the road. When we arrive at the beach, we can’t see its beauty but we can still see the white sand. We return at my friend’s house, play cards for a while and went to sleep.

We woke up early coz we’re excited to show our talent in swimming lol. We are amazed of the beach’s beauty. You could compare it to Boracay because of the sand. We rent a cottage and put our foods and stuffs there. We walk at the shore and take some pictures. We captured 200 plus pictures of happy and stupid moments. While taking pictures, we noticed an island. Even in a distance we could see its beauty.

We don’t know the island’s name and one of my friends told us that it is the “Isla Babae”. We laugh of what he says and we decided to go to that island. “Wow challenging” I said to myself. I love challenges. Another adventure coming up. It was low tide that time so we travel by foot going to the island. On half way going there, all of us began to say ouch. It’s because of the rocks under the sea. One of my friend unfortunately steps on a sea urchins. He deserves an “ouch” haha. When you look it from a distance it looks like it is near but on the way going there it is far. WTF, almost a kilometer walk. When we arrive at the island, we check the wounds and cuts on our feet. Luckily I only got 5 not so deep cuts. Another pictorial happens. Whoa it feels like we are castaways from survivor. We stay there for half an hour and decided to return at he main island before the water level gets high. We get back to the cottage and rest for a while and we swim again. We show some cool back flips at the sea. I enjoy that moment a lot. It was a great experience at the beach showing your crazy acts. We return at my friends house and pack our stuffs so that we’ll be able to catch up the last trip on the bus station.

When I arrive at home, I need to listen on a long homily (“sermon”) from my parents haha. They are mad at me coz I escape.

We arrived at last

On our way to the beach

The beauty of the beach

We named this "ISLA BABAE" lol

Cosmo: A friend from the beach

Castaways

waiting for the tribal council

may gagamba kunin nyo!! haha

i dont know what is this..some says its an egg of a starfish haha